Thursday, October 7, 2010

Have you been taken over by Twitter?

After months, here comes a quickie post, without much deliberation gone into it. It's about a phenomenon which has caught people faffing over and around it like crazy- TWITTER. If you are on Twitter, you'll probably agree with what you are about to read . If you are not on it, what have you been waiting for all this while? Go and make an account you idiots!

Of late it seems, as if the world of 140 characters has taken over my ability to write long paragraphs, or for that matter write a decent enough blogpost here.
Sad, it may be, for my life is being chronicled several times a day within the set parameters of 140 characters and looks like it has taken over my rare long posts.  Not just me, but a lot of 'tweetaholics' out there will agree to their new found skill of paraphrasing everything under the sun in nothing more than 140 characters. Most of the time, adjusting and re-adjusting your words to make sure they fit in that prescribed limit. Sometime during 2009, a so-and-so movie star joined Twitter and the others followed suit. Suddenly they started creating waves and Twitter became a rage overnight. That's how it began for me-one fine day, I too started following a couple of actors (by now everyone knows they are on it for their 'much needed' publicity, so they go around faking a what-you-call a 'peek into their lives') and went on to become following all and sundry!

And thus, the world is at your feet. You dispense 'gyaan', give self-made one-liners, proclaim to be the ultimate guru of things, make grand statements, boast about yourself in a subtle way (inspite of being aware that people may be rolling their eyes at you), try to act intelligent (which you may not be otherwise ;)), do anything to grab eyeballs or put in Twitter lingo- get followers! In return, get people to sit up and take notice of you and if you happen to be lucky, get admired for  your so called 'witty' self.

When a person starts following you, he agrees to the fact that he is ready to tolerate your nonsense(call it whatever!), crudely put- 'jhelofying' you. But hey! Isn't that cool? Of course, it is. I mean, which person will do that literally in real life, the very act of following (unless, he happens to be a stalker, mesmerized by you!!). Infact, no one in their right minds will go around saying 'Follow Me', unless he happens to be a over zealous tourist guide :D

Some people out there have also come out with a theory that a person's psychological behaviour can be understood by his tweets. BullS**T, I say! The person may just be tweeting for the heck of it, without any rhyme or reason. He may also be trying to portray himself as something he's not. Perhaps he just wants  to join the league. Sometimes, it is just plain old FUN !

Now comes, the world of twitter handles (usernames, to you twitter ignorants!)
You get the weirdest and the whackiest of them served to you on a platter here. Pick anyone that catches your fancy and boo! follow them. :D
If you were, by any chance, living in an alien world all this while, allow me the chance to educate you a bit to shake off that slumber you were in: Right from the corporate honcho to the mechanic to the girl/boy/bai next door(albeit the last one may be in disguise!) are tweeting like mad these days.

A Twitter Survival Tip: Since product uniqueness is the key to success in the market these days, if you are sophisticated enough, you may package yourself as a i-know-it-all maid and capture the hearts of the 'aam aadmi' looking for their daily dose of humour, by sounding like a damsel in distress. Fuel their imagination, give them spicy nuggets of conspiracy-inducing news and just faff oops.. tweet away to glory!! The more masaledar your tweets are, the more will the 'tweeple' talk about you. Provoke them in any way you want. Also make sure you get featured in the weekly 'Follow Friday' hashtags. Some whackos out there have made sure that even dead people tweet!! (Don't you shudder! :P) So you still have a Michael Jackson and a Gandhi tweeting and making people jump off their seats. Ha! even movie characters like Gabbar Singh can be found here! With their multiple fake profiles and huge number of followers, they assure that they still remain in people's minds, so what if they are long gone!! Make sure you are also among them, just to be in sync with the sweet chaos around and laugh your heads off.

People have been frantically tweeting about their activities 24X7, from the web, from fancy gadgets, from phones and what not! Imagine a person in the middle of a corporate-ish meeting going "My boss sucks. He doesn't value my views." on his iPhone and the next moment going "Just got fired. Yay!". He probably feels on-top-of-the-world which in reality happens to be a deep-in-shit situation as he's getting congratulatory tweets from his followers across the world. So you see, it's a vicious circle of addiction. You maybe jobless, sitting at home doing nothing, but if you can dish out pearls of wisdom on twitter, you are one happy soul. You become contended just being that(a maniacal tweeter!), since you have a fan following who make it a point to religiously massage your egos and lift your dampening spirits. What a beautiful world, indeed!

Moral of the story: If you find yourself in this crazy loop of tweeting frenzy, you may have realized that life has become, more or less, all about losing yourself in the 'timeline'. Just enjoy the attention till it lasts. And remember, that timeline of yours is just a reminder of how many people you dare follow, which you may be otherwise embarrassed of even talking to in real life. Inflated egos cease to exist here. All are 'friends', atleast in the virtual world!

P.S- You may also follow the person behind the post at, only if you love nonsense being rolled out at timely intervals.

P.P.S- The aim behind this post is not to gather followers and please do not read between the lines! ;D Adios!


Ashish said...

Probably, the best twitter post I've read...and exhaustive too :)

Saras said...

I am afraid people will forget to write normal sentences! Lol

Hit Wicked said...

If you didn't get the post, click and start following. Best part of Twitter is that it is just you.

Shruti said...

@ashish That's a lovely compliment, I must say :) This post was never intended to be this long. What Was initially decided to be a 4 line rant went on to become quite 'exhaustive'!!
Thank you =)

@saras Thanks for dropping by and commenting! :)
Hopefully, a time will come when people will tweet more and talk less and the world will be a beautiful place to live in :D

@HitWicked Publicizing your handle, eh?!!
Well, whether Twitter is really you, is a debatable topic!!

Kailash C said...

A post by the tweetaholic for the tweetaholics ....

btw, I identify my self as 'aam aadmi' falling for i-know-it-all maids :) good one

umapoems said...

I truly accept.Just a day I started using twitter just to get attention for my post in contest.Hope you read it too and support me :)

Hit Wicked said...


Debate! aajaaao Nirmohi Akhaade main!

Shruti said...

@kailash- Well, i m not really a tweetaholioc, in the real sense of the term! :P There are maniacs, who tweet every single moment of he day. I wonder, if they work with such precision on other important things in life,nothing can stop us from being the next superpower! :D
Glad to know, you identify yourself in that particular category. ;)
Keep visiting the space again. :)

Shruti said...

@umapoems- Twitter is one helluva publicity space, for sure. Will make sure i read it soon. :)
Do visit this space again. :)

@HitWicked- I think we should keep sensitive terms like that out of my blog. :P

Harsha K N said...

well crafted and covers a grt deal abt twitter :)
p.s : people love nonsense, just that many dont say #hypocrites. and like this convention change from comments to afterthought, changing the same for my blog

Shruti said...

@harsha People love nonsense since it has the ability to make them laugh!! :D
And you can put any name instead of the word 'comments', not necessarily afterthoughts. A lot of bloggers have done that in their blogs. You just have to be creative and come up with a different word, you see! :-)
Glad to know you liked the post. Keep visiting again. :)

sarah said...

oh yes, its a virtual and to b true a 'false shelled' sought of a world out there..being a part of which is ok but u shud definitely b aware how to move out as n wen required.
ps: u have got a great blog, loved ur writing style too :D

Shruti said...

@Sarah- Liked the way you said 'move out when required" but y'know, one just gets addicted!!
Thank you, glad to know you liked it and hope to see you more around here. :-)

ME ofcourse... said...

Getting around to read the entries now. Very insightful and perceptive thoughts, and well written :)

Shruti said...

@ME ofcourse(:P)- Thank you! :) Hope to see you more around here.