Thursday, October 7, 2010

Have you been taken over by Twitter?

After months, here comes a quickie post, without much deliberation gone into it. It's about a phenomenon which has caught people faffing over and around it like crazy- TWITTER. If you are on Twitter, you'll probably agree with what you are about to read . If you are not on it, what have you been waiting for all this while? Go and make an account you idiots!

Of late it seems, as if the world of 140 characters has taken over my ability to write long paragraphs, or for that matter write a decent enough blogpost here.
Sad, it may be, for my life is being chronicled several times a day within the set parameters of 140 characters and looks like it has taken over my rare long posts.  Not just me, but a lot of 'tweetaholics' out there will agree to their new found skill of paraphrasing everything under the sun in nothing more than 140 characters. Most of the time, adjusting and re-adjusting your words to make sure they fit in that prescribed limit. Sometime during 2009, a so-and-so movie star joined Twitter and the others followed suit. Suddenly they started creating waves and Twitter became a rage overnight. That's how it began for me-one fine day, I too started following a couple of actors (by now everyone knows they are on it for their 'much needed' publicity, so they go around faking a what-you-call a 'peek into their lives') and went on to become following all and sundry!

And thus, the world is at your feet. You dispense 'gyaan', give self-made one-liners, proclaim to be the ultimate guru of things, make grand statements, boast about yourself in a subtle way (inspite of being aware that people may be rolling their eyes at you), try to act intelligent (which you may not be otherwise ;)), do anything to grab eyeballs or put in Twitter lingo- get followers! In return, get people to sit up and take notice of you and if you happen to be lucky, get admired for  your so called 'witty' self.

When a person starts following you, he agrees to the fact that he is ready to tolerate your nonsense(call it whatever!), crudely put- 'jhelofying' you. But hey! Isn't that cool? Of course, it is. I mean, which person will do that literally in real life, the very act of following (unless, he happens to be a stalker, mesmerized by you!!). Infact, no one in their right minds will go around saying 'Follow Me', unless he happens to be a over zealous tourist guide :D

Some people out there have also come out with a theory that a person's psychological behaviour can be understood by his tweets. BullS**T, I say! The person may just be tweeting for the heck of it, without any rhyme or reason. He may also be trying to portray himself as something he's not. Perhaps he just wants  to join the league. Sometimes, it is just plain old FUN !

Now comes, the world of twitter handles (usernames, to you twitter ignorants!)
You get the weirdest and the whackiest of them served to you on a platter here. Pick anyone that catches your fancy and boo! follow them. :D
If you were, by any chance, living in an alien world all this while, allow me the chance to educate you a bit to shake off that slumber you were in: Right from the corporate honcho to the mechanic to the girl/boy/bai next door(albeit the last one may be in disguise!) are tweeting like mad these days.

A Twitter Survival Tip: Since product uniqueness is the key to success in the market these days, if you are sophisticated enough, you may package yourself as a i-know-it-all maid and capture the hearts of the 'aam aadmi' looking for their daily dose of humour, by sounding like a damsel in distress. Fuel their imagination, give them spicy nuggets of conspiracy-inducing news and just faff oops.. tweet away to glory!! The more masaledar your tweets are, the more will the 'tweeple' talk about you. Provoke them in any way you want. Also make sure you get featured in the weekly 'Follow Friday' hashtags. Some whackos out there have made sure that even dead people tweet!! (Don't you shudder! :P) So you still have a Michael Jackson and a Gandhi tweeting and making people jump off their seats. Ha! even movie characters like Gabbar Singh can be found here! With their multiple fake profiles and huge number of followers, they assure that they still remain in people's minds, so what if they are long gone!! Make sure you are also among them, just to be in sync with the sweet chaos around and laugh your heads off.

People have been frantically tweeting about their activities 24X7, from the web, from fancy gadgets, from phones and what not! Imagine a person in the middle of a corporate-ish meeting going "My boss sucks. He doesn't value my views." on his iPhone and the next moment going "Just got fired. Yay!". He probably feels on-top-of-the-world which in reality happens to be a deep-in-shit situation as he's getting congratulatory tweets from his followers across the world. So you see, it's a vicious circle of addiction. You maybe jobless, sitting at home doing nothing, but if you can dish out pearls of wisdom on twitter, you are one happy soul. You become contended just being that(a maniacal tweeter!), since you have a fan following who make it a point to religiously massage your egos and lift your dampening spirits. What a beautiful world, indeed!

Moral of the story: If you find yourself in this crazy loop of tweeting frenzy, you may have realized that life has become, more or less, all about losing yourself in the 'timeline'. Just enjoy the attention till it lasts. And remember, that timeline of yours is just a reminder of how many people you dare follow, which you may be otherwise embarrassed of even talking to in real life. Inflated egos cease to exist here. All are 'friends', atleast in the virtual world!

P.S- You may also follow the person behind the post at, only if you love nonsense being rolled out at timely intervals.

P.P.S- The aim behind this post is not to gather followers and please do not read between the lines! ;D Adios!