Friday, May 29, 2009

Things you needn't know about me- Part 1

I am planning to write a series on this topic i.e. as and when I think of something hilarious/silly/interesting/nonsense statements about me (basically stuff which won’t make much sense or even any difference to you readers), I’ll share some of them here. Here goes the first set of them:-

1. At my home, my folks are the one who govern the remote control and the idiot box instead of me and I guess my place will be the only one where this kind of a situation happens rather than the other way round. And even if I protest that it’s my birthright to watch what I want, when I want , they have ways to shut my mouth and the innocent me (the mute spectator to the atyachaar ) easily surrenders.

2. My temper is explosive. I normally control it tremendously, but when it explodes, the greatest volcanoes will shy off. (ask my ex-roommate- we are the biggest enemies now)

3. I am an introvert (conditions apply). I normally don’t mingle easily, nor am I the first one to strike off a conversation but when I do start talking (and if I am in the mood), God save the listener.

4. An online friend (a person whose words I take quite seriously for the sheer wealth of his experience, age and wisdom) once commented that he sees traits of dual personality in me (*gasp*). I was so shocked that I started feeling queasy and imagining myself as a person with the personality disorder. I, infact started searching hysterically the net for the next 2 days on articles related to this topic. (I still feel he may have been right!)

5. I hate the vegetable lady’s finger (bhindi). I can eat any edible thing on this planet but the sight of this thing anywhere makes me wanna run miles away.

6. I kind of like the ‘thinking brood’ class of men, especially men with specs. The silent, serious, thinking, brooding lot really makes me curious about them. The types who are least bothered about the ‘most glamorous girl around’ and who look like as if they are seriously considering the global warming or what happened in Antarctica and as if the whole world economy is on their shoulders(*guffaws*). Anyways, there is a charm to them, the ‘forever engaged in thoughts’ personality, the ‘minimal speaker' (omg! Now I am going on & on. I better stop now.)

7. I hate make-up, and the rare times when I have to do it, it scares me off. I feel suffocated and feel I have been whitewashed with distemper and can’t wait till I get home, wash it off and feel human again.

8. My folks think that I am a hopeless, aimless, duffer, loser, good- for- nothing creature due to a lot of reasons, one of them is mentioned in the next point. ( A secret- I actually give them such an impression as I don’t want them to see me as super intelligent or super cool, which I am anyways not!! Though parents do wish their kid was like that.)

9. My career goals have never stuck to one field and till date it hasn’t. Throughout my life I have kept oscillating between aspiring to be a journalist, radio/video jockey, advertising/media/PR professional, cabin crew, fashion model (have I missed on something?..Yes, once I also wanted to be miss universe (holy joke!). And now in management (even this I am not sure of as I feel I’ll end up doing something else). Never once have I aspired to be a doctor, engineer, software/IT professional, and my dad still hates me for not having chosen engineering after XII. I have had a knack of most of the subjects but still have zilch knowledge of anything. An 11-year old kid whom I knew once commented “Jab dekho aap padhai karte rehte ho? Kabhi yeh padhte ho, kabhi wo padhte ho? Hamesha padhte rahoge to job kab karoge, shaadi kab karoge?”...LOL. I tried to explain things to her but she was not convinced :(

10. I am a narcissist, not an extreme one but yes, a mild self-obsession creeps in sometimes.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Why don't I write what I wish to write?

I have so much to say, so much to vent out, so much to share. Some of them really intriguing and interesting; some of which I have never shared with anybody nor do I think I will ever. Everyone on this earth might have shared their deepest darkest secrets with atleast one person with whom he/she is really close, but unfortunately I have never had the courage to do so and the fact that I was never that close to anyone increased the chances of me keeping my confessions to myself, as most of the time I don’t allow anyone to intrude into my private space.

Once in a while it is kind of healthy to share things with people rather than letting them boil inside you and waiting for them to explode violently. But even the exploding part has never happened with me, things definitely boil and rage and do all kinds of drama inside my heart but I just don’t let them go.

The main reason behind starting this blog was to vent out all that raging fire inside but once my name was published and all that, I started restricting myself. You might be thinking that I should have kept a pseudonym. But then what’s the point, it feels silly writing without any real identity. It would have been interesting letting the world know the real you and what you have been upto all this time on this planet and I bet reading this blog would have been far more interesting with all the spices added on to it as a result of unleashing the real me.

I do think of starting another blog which would only be filled with the best (and the worst) of my life i.e. interesting and juicy tidbits of my life and of course it will written under a pseudonym. But you never know, the lazy bum that’s me foresees it as extra time consuming and energy taking.

When you are writing about yourself in a blog it also means you are baring out your soul for the world to see which is again something I will never want. So ultimately I end up writing only that stuff which I think will not make the readers judgmental about me (not that I care a lot about people being judgmental but it still makes a difference). For an intensely private person like me, it makes sense to watch what I write and measure each word before publishing. You never know who the reader will turn out to be. If the write-up turns out to be interesting (interesting means loading personal stories to a lot of people) and once the reader gets the thrill of prying on another person’s life through a blog, it kind of gives a voyeuristic pleasure to them as they’ll want to know what is going to happen next. It may go on to become an addiction. After all who doesn’t like to snoop on another’s life, isn’t it human nature? Each one of us has a peeping tom hidden deep inside. Can you deny that?

On one hand, I am also denying myself the satisfaction I’ll get out of venting out and looking at my issues from another person’s angle and knowing what they feel about the whole thing, receiving comments from different people and discussing and maybe ultimately even solving the issue. This is when writing under a fictitious name helps, one can go on and on without any inhibitions or whatsoever. But I don’t think I have the energy to invest my time and thought process on writing two separate blogs as I feel why not write in the existing one which already has some readers. This means putting a hold on my free-flowing thoughts and curbing them. As a result of which I feel bad sometimes for not being me and not writing what I actually want to. Now what do I end up writing usually- inane stuff.

I am waiting for that moment when I will throw caution to the winds and write no holds barred, a moment when I leave all the hang-ups and start being me.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Her human side & the sweltering heat

She’s a human after all.
I got to see her human side today. ( Now why am I using the word 'human'. It's coz no matter how hard I try to make myself understand, I can't deny the fact that she does give me the jitters & interestingly she hasn't done anything demonic till now, not that I am waiting for it..LOL. My mind which, you by now know, is expert in fabricating things up imagines her persona to be..I don't know! Forget it.)

It was her birthday. We were called to the cafeteria to celebrate the D-day and boy wasn’t she looking thrilled and like a little kid. The twinkle in her eyes showed the excitement she was going through as everyone gathered around her to wish her, a big black forest cake waiting for her to cut.
She said this was the biggest audience she has ever seen on her b’day, thanks to all the trainees. Don’t know whether she said that mockingly or seriously. Without anyone prompting her she sang a song to which she said you might not have heard it before. It was true.

The heat is getting on to me like anything. Delhi summers are pathetic and the zillion power cuts at my place make it all the more traumatic. After a long day at work, the only thing which you long for is a bed and an air-conditioned room but the moment I am about to crash down, batti gul. Then I find myself cursing everyone- myself (for being in this wretched situation), my family (for buying a house here a decade back), and of course, the grand old government (for making poor citizens' life a living hell).

Summer internship can get taxing. But then who said MBA was easy? So toil away..

Monday, May 11, 2009

Bossed up!

Golden words are never repeated, they say. True.

There she goes saying those few and far in between 15 words & the most important ones but alas they'll never be repeated again. You hear it or you don't. Don't even dare to miss out on listening carefully to what she has to say.

Important people, you see speak less often but when they do speak, it'll be worth a million bucks.

Usually it's me who goes upto her and shows stuff which I did till now, all that time holding on to my breath waiting for her to open her mouth and reply/approve. But today she called me up when I was feeling dead sleepy (though she didn't know it) to give some info, (omg!...golden words) and trust me I didnt listen (I was only hearing) as I was so preoccupied with being all nice & professional & a willing worker & hard working etc etc that the moment I came to my senses it was over..she had spoken & ordered. I was left dazed.

You have this constant urge to show them that see guys, I am working and not wasting my time here. Sometimes you just don't know what's right and what's not . You are confused that whether you are doing the right thing. Most of the times I screw up things..but hey, I get it right too sometimes ( I am modest, you see...*smirk*)

Maybe I just imagine things up, in my mind I just give a big deal to things and blow them up. But ultimately it ends up being pretty simple things and when I look back at them I realise that I was unecessarily making a mountain out of a molehill.

By the way, I know she's sweet & helpful, it's only that she looks like that. Being at a position of authority does bring a kind of a scary look as you have so many responsibilities. Waise she doesn't order, she just tells and isn't that the way it should be rather than the other way round? Let me feel I am blessed. She has to be the good boss.

See I know all that. I am chillaxed now :)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Summers at Ranbaxy

Summer training has started. Two more months to go for it to finish! Isn't it funny how I want it to finish asap in just 3 days of starting the project.

Friends at college think that it's beeen a smooth ride for me and it will be easy for me in the future. How ironic.. coz only I know the problems I am facing and the pain I undergo. Okay, it's true that I got the entry here in Ranbaxy as dad works here and I am also in the same department. But after that initial entry there's a whole lot of work to be done. I bet the project I have been given is not a wee bit easy. The work is tough actually is.

Nobody's a friend when you enter the corporate. You are just one in a million, just another face in the crowd out there to prove yourself in this rat race. In this dog eat dog world how far can one sustain, survive and succeed?