Thursday, December 31, 2009

A new year post- Looking back and looking ahead..


It's overwhelming to see how time flies away! Memories of the past just whisked past me a few hours ago when I was trying to catch a wink after a tiring day of giving an exam. It had only been a while and I woke up startled. Tossing and turning, I was trying to sleep but then all those sad & happy moments just flash-backed its way through my mind, not just the incidents of the present year but also the memories that made up the decade that is going to end in a few hours from now.

2010 is going to be a milestone year, more so as it's the beginning of a new decade. And it were these digits which were reiterating in my mind. I still remember the starting of this millennium and everyone was making such a big fuss about 2000 being a landmark year. I vividly remember the new year's eve back then. I was 13 and in standard 8th and as excited as any other teenager that day. We had brought lots of cakes and were playing some great music the whole evening. And 'Titanic' was being shown for the first time on Star Movies that night. Till about a few years back, all major releases where premiered on the small screen after a gap of about 3-4 years, so it was a big deal back then. Before the X'mas holidays begun that year, some of my friends had decided to celebrate the new year by sitting at home and watching Titanic and yes, I was also one of them :) We guys had gone onto lengths discussing the movie and specially dissecting the make-out scenes(over enthusiastic teens that we were!! :D)
I was excited because I was gonna watch it for the 1st time(imagine 3 years after it released inspite of the hype it had!). So mom n me saw it and I remember giving shy smiles to her during the so called 'scenes'.

Fast forward to this day. It's been 10 years since the Titanic night and things are so different. I have so many things at my disposal which I never had back then. I am 10 years more matured, more aware of things, and in a better mental shape. And also the adage that I swear by- "This too shall pass" holds so true that one realizes it only when the transformation of a bad phase into a good phase happens. Nothing ever was, nor will be permanent. One understands the significance of what happened or not happened much much later in time. So many of them feels just right today, which at one point of time felt so so bad and one would be wallowing in self-pity over them.

I have never ever in my life, made any new year resolutions. Why? Maybe coz I have never really given a thought to it. Was it coz I have never been dead serious about life or plans? I have no idea. Maybe I just don't believe in binding my life to a list of pre-determined activities. Though I don't deny that I have planned things or activities in life. It feels great jotting down a "Things to do" list, but somehow there would be rarely a 10 on ten tick percentage on it. Planning is great but sometimes unplanned and 'out of the blue' incidents go a long way in changing the track of life and I would affirm, has happened a lot of times with me.

Why do I feel 2010 is going to be milestone year?

Reason 1- Mainly coz of the fact that college will be ending and as of now I have no plans of studying anything major in the future, unless destiny and God has some other plans for me. I still can't believe that I have managed to survive in this place. I still remember all that quitting plans I had made when I realized the kind of subjects that they taught in 1st yr MBA was just not my cup of tea and had almost deduced that MBA eligibility criteria should be commerce grads & not sciencies n arties like me. It was not without difficulties that I managed to stick on with this place. Counting the years on fingers gives an ultimate high..2008..2009.. n now 2010. It feels like yesterday when I had stepped in that hostel and hated it to the core. How I had to keep a smiling face and accommodating persona throughout first year in that place dealing with a psycho roommate! I had never been more happy when I left that place and thank God, my place of stay this year was a lot peaceful. I have mentioned the feeling of hatred that I have felt towards the college in earlier posts, but I am surprised by the change in my attitude towards the college and friends here. I have lately realized that accepting them as they are, allowing them a sneak peek into your life, opening up to them, mingling freely and doing stupid activities gives a sense of utmost joy & also negates the pressure the college puts on you to a great extent .Group studies, work load, projects and assignments have never been more fun as it's now. Things are in great shape now.

Reason 2- More than anything else. I am sure this year is going to be doubly hectic with all that job hunting process and the seemingly eternal never ending exams that my college puts me through.

I don't know why but I feel a strong urge now to thank my folks for giving me everything- the resources to study,the love, affection and support. No matter how bad or good I am feeling, I know they are just a call away and I can vent to my heart's content with them. Who else but my parents have the patience to listen to my wails? I have lost count of the number of times I have subjected them to being my sounding board! I know I get difficult sometimes but I am not bad either! Thank you mom for being my biggest support system and thank you dad for just being there and understanding me. Love you :)

I will also never forget my boss at Ranbaxy- the ultimate epitome of a female authoritarian boss! Nor will I ever forget her words and whatever she said to me. Towards the end of the stint there, she may have been a bit harsh, but it all feels 'at place' now. She will be an icon for life. It was only after my term there that all the management fundas fell into place and into my brains. I learnt a lot and will value the time spent there forever.

Life sure is one big mystery. You never know what's gonna happen tomorrow and what each day will unfold for you. But the mystery is what makes it exciting. As I have always felt, predictability is boring and it's exciting to be taken unawares(obviously in a good way!).
With this I would use this space to wish everyone a super happy, cheerful and prosperous new year filled with great moments, and of course I wish myself the same.

Bidding adieu to 2009..n here's welcoming 2010 with glee! Happy new year :)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

You are my 'Temptation'!



With you it's never enough.
I could be admiring you, over & over again,
and never get bored of your beauty.
It's not my fault you look so appealing.

Whenever I see you, it's so hard to resist.
The temptation you invoke in me
is so overpowering.
You are alluring as hell!

The times I get to meet you
is few & far in between.
But as & when it happens
I feel like devouring you then & there.

With your dark brown complexion
you are a treat for my eyes!
Baby try to meet me more often.
Don't you want to see me contented?

Can't help controlling my urge when you're around.
All I wanna do is taste you ,
And let that taste linger on my lips,
tickling my wicked taste buds.

I love you!
You bring a smile on my face.
You remind me of forbidden pleasures.
You are my one & only delight.
You are the sinful 'chocolate truffle'!!


P.S
- Readers may please note that this poem is dedicated to the edible chocolate truffle which happens to be one of my favorite things in the world.Therefore the muse here is a non-living thing as opposed to a living thing! Though one can't deny the inspiration behind writing in innuendos being a living person.Thus the readers are free to let their imagination run haywire while delving over the suggestive tone of the lines.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Things that are bothering me presently!

1. My routine- Why on earth do I wake up at 6 a.m. in the harsh Delhi winters, almost 3 hrs before I leave for college? Am I sincere, dedicated student or a chronic early-riser? The answer is a big NO. Then pray why? *wonders*

2. Winters- My relationship with this season has been a love-hate thingy. I love it coz of the sunshine, good food, great clothes, long nights, good sleep. I hate it coz of the dark broody early mornings, freezing water, dry skin, cough-cold..

3. College- 1 year and 4 months into this place and my opinion about it has still not changed. It sucks! Though this term has been interesting, thanks to one particular lecturer who makes the class as lively and exciting as he is. Everyone seems to be going gaga over him, specially the girls. *chuckles*

4. Dissertation- For the uninitiated it is the winter project(some research stuff) which I have to submit asap. And I just don't feel like doing it. Mainly coz of the fact, my summer project(something for I worked like REAL HARD) was inaccurately evaluated by the bee-skool(sic!) and some losers were freely awarded grades, so there the motivation to work hard again, goes out of the window!

5. 24*7 Internet- This was a boon initially, but it seems to have transformed my life completely. I am overtly dependent on it and my life seems to be nauseatingly revolving around it. And it's kind of a curse now.

6. Uncertainty- I still don't seem to have any clear ideas about my plans, forget making strategies that is so heartily expected out of an MBA student. So I can safely say that "Hey! I don't know where will I be or what will I be doing 6 months down the line." (I sincerely hope my future recruiter is not reading this one!)

7. Career- Oh well! This doesn't even need an explanation.

8. Insomnia- Well yes I am kind of an insomniac, though the degree is not sky-high. It does attack sometimes and it's funny coz I so wanna crash down but I end up doing nonsensical activities bartering my love for a good night's sleep.

9. Hairstyle- Funny but I am forever confused between wearing my hair long or short! For once I want all the curls & length to remain but the very next moment I feel like getting them chopped off & straightened. Dilemma man!

10. Staying away- It's great staying away from folks for a host of granted reasons. But then I also keep travelling every 15 days or so back home. So most of the time my mind is in a half-here half-there kind of a situation.

.. and lots more!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

That last phone call!


It's a new sense of calmness.What should I say? Maybe I am feeling relaxed now. I am happy that this conversation happened. And trust me it has helped me a lot in realigning a whole lot of different issues which were bothering me for quite a long time and also lessening the impact of one major emotion of restlessness.The best feeling which I have had in quite a long time.

The worst feeling in the whole world is when people tend to misunderstand you and you feel completely helpless, as right in front of your eyes, things seem to slip off your hands and get out of control.You know things are getting bad, but you just can't seem to put things in order. You want to re-order things, make the person sit and also make him understand what you are actually trying to say, but you feel bound & helpless.Things get bad and you can't seem to do anything!
Sometimes it's just the opposite effect- you try to say something, but the meaning which comes out of it turns out to be the opposite.

And now after that li'l talk, I feel as if all that negativity has been removed. Words are not enough when I want to describe the serenity washing through my heart and soul, the reason of the harmony I feel and the reason of that wide smile across my face.
Meanwhile, during the last few days when I was sulking,I did some weird things as in, nothing major, just a little bit online mess- deleting stuff,getting my name removed from the list of some very dear things. Well a little de-clutter ain't that bad!

Anger management lessons anyone? I seriously need to attend a couple of them!!

Things are actually not as bad as one thinks or imagines it to be. There in the mind we happily blow it out of proportion by imagining all the weirdest & negative things and sit and feel bad(or sulk) in return. Now I actually understand the importance of conversation in any relationship- be it a parent- child, teacher-student, among friends etc. Why to keep it boiling inside? If there is even an iota of doubt, insecurity or negativity, just vent it out, spit it out..talk it out. A heart to heart talk with the person who is the reason behind your troubles solves half of the problems. The moment we have a sincere open discussion, all that pent up bad feelings tend to evaporate in a jiffy, thereby leaving you so light-headed and free.

Now having listened to you, my earlier opinions about you have evaporated. Heh! Though it has always been good, it's now more positive, with a bit more vibrant colors added to it.

Ok whatevs, too much sappiness brimming. Time for some fresh air.
Adios!
 

Friday, September 25, 2009

De-clutter !

Clutter is bad. It fills one's life with misery.
Why to clutter life when it is already filled with enough woes? So I am now taking out time to specifically remove all kinds of mess from different parts of my life. Its tiring being constantly depressed and putting on masks each & every time.

Sometimes one just has to let go. There are things which are just not meant to be and thinking forever about it is just not worth it. Old and useless things have to be discarded to allow new and better things in life. Clutter also takes up space both physical and mental , in the process giving in a lot of negative energy to the already muddled up life. We all have a habit of collecting, keeping and never disposing off things in the name of memories and remembrance. It's a futile thing to do because things happen, and they happen for a reason and accumulating things related to them only adds up to the so called clutter.

A physical clutter can be thrown off but what about the mental clutter which is stagnant and doesn't get disposed off even if one wishes to? Therein lies the challenge, a human dilemma!


P.S- For the time being,I have moderated my comments section, so if by any chance, it takes some time to appear here, kindly bear with me. Cheers!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A forgotten verse

My life at present more or less corresponds to the following lines.
(Chanced upon in HT more than a decade ago)


The Glory of the sun


Every evening,

When the day meets the dusk,

I sit in my window and watch

The sinking sun.



When the light fades away slowly,

And the hours grow quietly and lonely,

My heart too sinks within my soul, inspired

For I know not if I will see

The glory of the sun again.




Saturday, July 25, 2009

A fact of life

“The best way to survive in this world is not to let yourself be overpowered by emotions, sentiments, temptations and love coz once you give in, it’s very difficult to come back to your normal self. That’s the only way you can maintain the sanity of your mind.”

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Well I am clearly wasting my time!

I have no idea what's up with me lately. The whole project thing is getting on my nerves. Initially when I started it, I was damn excited and was dead sure it will get completed on time but lately I have started ignoring it bigtime. Here am I sitting and whiling away my time, well past the deadline. Now I know why they call it a deadline- You are sure to be dead at the hands of the boss if the work ain't complete! Wow, I am a genius!! (*self pats on back*). Even though I know it's pending, I am hell bent on wasting my time on the charms of the internet- social networking & stuff. I get these frightening looks from dad whenever he sees me wasting time but I seem not to be bothered! This is what happens when 24x7 internet is there at home and even when the power goes off, I can always connect it to my laptop and work(?humph work!) . Now I want the connection to be removed. It's like a sinful temptation- no matter how hard you try to control, you feel like going back to it. Oh! to be able to update your latest status to the world, to post your snaps, to chat endlessly with friends, to find your old friends and get new ones, to secretly snoop on each other's lives, to poke, to abuse...the list is endless. He surely is a genius- the creator of the 1st ever networking site. Yes, long ago I was bored of this, but now lately facebook has caught my fancy and I seem to be loving it.

So what's new? My new template here is new and I guess whenever I get my bouts of boredom and whenever writer's block plagues me, this would be my new pastime- changing & re-changing my template- the snazzier the better. The readers are welcome to comment whether they like it or not :) Also as you can see a new "Links U can use" section on the top right hand side has been added. Yesterday I got a mail from some Jenelia who claimed she was a web designer and will help me get my blog some traffic provided I put these site links here. Though I am not sure whether her claims are genuine or not but there is no harm in giving it a try. Hey, I don't mind an extra bit of publicity to this blog ;)

Coming back to point. Oh God! Please shower me with your blessings. Let me get enlightened, let the moment of truth roar at me so that I can actually start giving more importance to essential things in my life, rather than wasting my energy on futile things. Now only some magic can help me in getting this project completed.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Things you needn't know about me- Part 2

Here is a partial insight to the inner workings of my twisted mind (in continuation of part 1)

1. I want to write a chick-lit novel before I turn 35 coz I have a feeling I have high chances of being single till(or even above!) that age (God forbid I don’t die single :D). These days it’s considered hip(atleast in some social circles) when you are a single, independent, modern working woman in your 30s and you are churning out books which appeal to the sensibilities of urban women a la Advaita Kala, Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan . Also it’s not just the hip factor which is tempting but I also think that I’ll be able to do justice to a plot of a chick-lit in a pretty decent way. Man, my mind does think romantic (and kinky) sometimes- both essential ingredients of a chick-lit.

2. My friends think that I am an emotion-less, stone-hearted person who doesn’t value relationships (My OB teacher also thought so). They also think I am way too mature for my age, (mentally), though my folks think exactly the opposite (they think I’ll never grow up and will forever behave childish). What do I think in this entire melee’? Well, I am definitely not emotion-less, the fact is that I don’t believe in showing my real emotions to the world. I am like a coconut, hard outside, soft inside. Why the hell should you expose your weaknesses to unknown people (knowing a person for 4 months or so doesn’t qualify him/her to be a sounding board for your feelings or secrets or whatsoever?).

3. I am not an attention- seeker. If attention comes my way (and most of the times it comes by unknowingly and for the wrong reasons), I don’t mind. Who doesn’t like being showered with attention? If you are human, you’ll love it (even animals love it). But I hate the ‘for the wrong reasons part’. What can I do , can’t help it – for one of the greatest misunderstood personalities that I am!!

4. Fair men are disgusting (was that too bad a word?). (If you are fair and a man and probably reading this, you’ll definitely hate this one). I mean specially that overtly clean, spruced up and fair look gets on my nerves unless he is working in the front-office of a 5-star hotel or a flight attendant. I don’t know but I feel that the fairness gives them a good boy image and that oh-so-damned mama’s boy image (*eeks*). Mama’s boys are the most disastrous species on earth. And the good-boy image is not that good (he’ll never know when to be bad *wink*). Ask any girl around, most of them like the classic clich├ęd TDH variety.

5. Ah yeah another hideous breed is what the fashionistas have termed the metrosexual lot –men who are explicitly concerned about the way they look. Those who go in for regular beauty treatments and are loaded with junk jewellery- studs, chains, bling and what not. I mean they should definitely be hygiene-conscious but not so obsessed with the way they look that they start outdoing the percentage of women going to beauty parlours. Guys are better when they behave like men and not exhibiting women-like qualities. Dudes, leave all that ‘sajna-savarna’ for the ladies. It’s their domain.

P.S.- A message for all the guys out there- Don’t ever be caught dead with that tube of ‘Fair and Handsome’ which I know most of you are secretly using :D

6. My concentration level, interest and attention span diminishes fast and coz of this I get bored easily. I will be doing one thing at a time and thinking of something entirely different at the same time. I don’t know what fancy name to give to this activity (like we have ‘multi tasking’ for doing 2 or more things at a time). What’s the name for thinking of something (or many things) different when you are working on one thing? Does anyone know?

7. And I can see the lost in interest now, I mean how much can one write about oneself and that too as if you guys want to know all this.. LOL. So here I am signing off for now. Ciao.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

 

Friday, May 29, 2009

Things you needn't know about me- Part 1

I am planning to write a series on this topic i.e. as and when I think of something hilarious/silly/interesting/nonsense statements about me (basically stuff which won’t make much sense or even any difference to you readers), I’ll share some of them here. Here goes the first set of them:-

1. At my home, my folks are the one who govern the remote control and the idiot box instead of me and I guess my place will be the only one where this kind of a situation happens rather than the other way round. And even if I protest that it’s my birthright to watch what I want, when I want , they have ways to shut my mouth and the innocent me (the mute spectator to the atyachaar ) easily surrenders.

2. My temper is explosive. I normally control it tremendously, but when it explodes, the greatest volcanoes will shy off. (ask my ex-roommate- we are the biggest enemies now)

3. I am an introvert (conditions apply). I normally don’t mingle easily, nor am I the first one to strike off a conversation but when I do start talking (and if I am in the mood), God save the listener.

4. An online friend (a person whose words I take quite seriously for the sheer wealth of his experience, age and wisdom) once commented that he sees traits of dual personality in me (*gasp*). I was so shocked that I started feeling queasy and imagining myself as a person with the personality disorder. I, infact started searching hysterically the net for the next 2 days on articles related to this topic. (I still feel he may have been right!)

5. I hate the vegetable lady’s finger (bhindi). I can eat any edible thing on this planet but the sight of this thing anywhere makes me wanna run miles away.

6. I kind of like the ‘thinking brood’ class of men, especially men with specs. The silent, serious, thinking, brooding lot really makes me curious about them. The types who are least bothered about the ‘most glamorous girl around’ and who look like as if they are seriously considering the global warming or what happened in Antarctica and as if the whole world economy is on their shoulders(*guffaws*). Anyways, there is a charm to them, the ‘forever engaged in thoughts’ personality, the ‘minimal speaker' (omg! Now I am going on & on. I better stop now.)

7. I hate make-up, and the rare times when I have to do it, it scares me off. I feel suffocated and feel I have been whitewashed with distemper and can’t wait till I get home, wash it off and feel human again.

8. My folks think that I am a hopeless, aimless, duffer, loser, good- for- nothing creature due to a lot of reasons, one of them is mentioned in the next point. ( A secret- I actually give them such an impression as I don’t want them to see me as super intelligent or super cool, which I am anyways not!! Though parents do wish their kid was like that.)

9. My career goals have never stuck to one field and till date it hasn’t. Throughout my life I have kept oscillating between aspiring to be a journalist, radio/video jockey, advertising/media/PR professional, cabin crew, fashion model (have I missed on something?..Yes, once I also wanted to be miss universe (holy joke!). And now in management (even this I am not sure of as I feel I’ll end up doing something else). Never once have I aspired to be a doctor, engineer, software/IT professional, and my dad still hates me for not having chosen engineering after XII. I have had a knack of most of the subjects but still have zilch knowledge of anything. An 11-year old kid whom I knew once commented “Jab dekho aap padhai karte rehte ho? Kabhi yeh padhte ho, kabhi wo padhte ho? Hamesha padhte rahoge to job kab karoge, shaadi kab karoge?”...LOL. I tried to explain things to her but she was not convinced :(

10. I am a narcissist, not an extreme one but yes, a mild self-obsession creeps in sometimes.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Why don't I write what I wish to write?

I have so much to say, so much to vent out, so much to share. Some of them really intriguing and interesting; some of which I have never shared with anybody nor do I think I will ever. Everyone on this earth might have shared their deepest darkest secrets with atleast one person with whom he/she is really close, but unfortunately I have never had the courage to do so and the fact that I was never that close to anyone increased the chances of me keeping my confessions to myself, as most of the time I don’t allow anyone to intrude into my private space.

Once in a while it is kind of healthy to share things with people rather than letting them boil inside you and waiting for them to explode violently. But even the exploding part has never happened with me, things definitely boil and rage and do all kinds of drama inside my heart but I just don’t let them go.

The main reason behind starting this blog was to vent out all that raging fire inside but once my name was published and all that, I started restricting myself. You might be thinking that I should have kept a pseudonym. But then what’s the point, it feels silly writing without any real identity. It would have been interesting letting the world know the real you and what you have been upto all this time on this planet and I bet reading this blog would have been far more interesting with all the spices added on to it as a result of unleashing the real me.

I do think of starting another blog which would only be filled with the best (and the worst) of my life i.e. interesting and juicy tidbits of my life and of course it will written under a pseudonym. But you never know, the lazy bum that’s me foresees it as extra time consuming and energy taking.

When you are writing about yourself in a blog it also means you are baring out your soul for the world to see which is again something I will never want. So ultimately I end up writing only that stuff which I think will not make the readers judgmental about me (not that I care a lot about people being judgmental but it still makes a difference). For an intensely private person like me, it makes sense to watch what I write and measure each word before publishing. You never know who the reader will turn out to be. If the write-up turns out to be interesting (interesting means loading personal stories to a lot of people) and once the reader gets the thrill of prying on another person’s life through a blog, it kind of gives a voyeuristic pleasure to them as they’ll want to know what is going to happen next. It may go on to become an addiction. After all who doesn’t like to snoop on another’s life, isn’t it human nature? Each one of us has a peeping tom hidden deep inside. Can you deny that?

On one hand, I am also denying myself the satisfaction I’ll get out of venting out and looking at my issues from another person’s angle and knowing what they feel about the whole thing, receiving comments from different people and discussing and maybe ultimately even solving the issue. This is when writing under a fictitious name helps, one can go on and on without any inhibitions or whatsoever. But I don’t think I have the energy to invest my time and thought process on writing two separate blogs as I feel why not write in the existing one which already has some readers. This means putting a hold on my free-flowing thoughts and curbing them. As a result of which I feel bad sometimes for not being me and not writing what I actually want to. Now what do I end up writing usually- inane stuff.

I am waiting for that moment when I will throw caution to the winds and write no holds barred, a moment when I leave all the hang-ups and start being me.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Her human side & the sweltering heat

She’s a human after all.
I got to see her human side today. ( Now why am I using the word 'human'. It's coz no matter how hard I try to make myself understand, I can't deny the fact that she does give me the jitters & interestingly she hasn't done anything demonic till now, not that I am waiting for it..LOL. My mind which, you by now know, is expert in fabricating things up imagines her persona to be..I don't know! Forget it.)

It was her birthday. We were called to the cafeteria to celebrate the D-day and boy wasn’t she looking thrilled and like a little kid. The twinkle in her eyes showed the excitement she was going through as everyone gathered around her to wish her, a big black forest cake waiting for her to cut.
She said this was the biggest audience she has ever seen on her b’day, thanks to all the trainees. Don’t know whether she said that mockingly or seriously. Without anyone prompting her she sang a song to which she said you might not have heard it before. It was true.

The heat is getting on to me like anything. Delhi summers are pathetic and the zillion power cuts at my place make it all the more traumatic. After a long day at work, the only thing which you long for is a bed and an air-conditioned room but the moment I am about to crash down, batti gul. Then I find myself cursing everyone- myself (for being in this wretched situation), my family (for buying a house here a decade back), and of course, the grand old government (for making poor citizens' life a living hell).

Summer internship can get taxing. But then who said MBA was easy? So toil away..

Monday, May 11, 2009

Bossed up!

Golden words are never repeated, they say. True.

There she goes saying those few and far in between 15 words & the most important ones but alas they'll never be repeated again. You hear it or you don't. Don't even dare to miss out on listening carefully to what she has to say.

Important people, you see speak less often but when they do speak, it'll be worth a million bucks.

Usually it's me who goes upto her and shows stuff which I did till now, all that time holding on to my breath waiting for her to open her mouth and reply/approve. But today she called me up when I was feeling dead sleepy (though she didn't know it) to give some info, (omg!...golden words) and trust me I didnt listen (I was only hearing) as I was so preoccupied with being all nice & professional & a willing worker & hard working etc etc that the moment I came to my senses it was over..she had spoken & ordered. I was left dazed.

You have this constant urge to show them that see guys, I am working and not wasting my time here. Sometimes you just don't know what's right and what's not . You are confused that whether you are doing the right thing. Most of the times I screw up things..but hey, I get it right too sometimes ( I am modest, you see...*smirk*)

Maybe I just imagine things up, in my mind I just give a big deal to things and blow them up. But ultimately it ends up being pretty simple things and when I look back at them I realise that I was unecessarily making a mountain out of a molehill.

By the way, I know she's sweet & helpful, it's only that she looks like that. Being at a position of authority does bring a kind of a scary look as you have so many responsibilities. Waise she doesn't order, she just tells and isn't that the way it should be rather than the other way round? Let me feel I am blessed. She has to be the good boss.

See I know all that. I am chillaxed now :)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Summers at Ranbaxy

Summer training has started. Two more months to go for it to finish! Isn't it funny how I want it to finish asap in just 3 days of starting the project.

Friends at college think that it's beeen a smooth ride for me and it will be easy for me in the future. How ironic.. coz only I know the problems I am facing and the pain I undergo. Okay, it's true that I got the entry here in Ranbaxy as dad works here and I am also in the same department. But after that initial entry there's a whole lot of work to be done. I bet the project I have been given is not a wee bit easy. The work is tough dude..it actually is.

Nobody's a friend when you enter the corporate. You are just one in a million, just another face in the crowd out there to prove yourself in this rat race. In this dog eat dog world how far can one sustain, survive and succeed?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Exam dilemma

Things can’t get worse than this. It’s 11.30 in the night and the end term papers start from tomorrow and wow this girl seems to have studied nothing despite of the fact that the books were all strewn across and the only thing she remembers now is that all this while somewhere in the subconscious of her mind she knew she had to study but it just didn’t happen! Instead she sits and decides that she’ll blog about her pathetic situation..lol.

This has always been the case with me, i.e. during exams my mind suddenly starts working overtime not for the subject which is due next day but rather it starts churning out philosophical stuff and lo! all the poetry and thoughts start flowing out of this li’l brain when it should be rather concentrating more on all those bloody MBA theories. I guess it’s because the brain becomes proactive and blocks out what seems unnecessary to it and thinks on more practical lines…howzzat? That’s what happens when you know you have realized it long time back that you are inadvertently chosen the wrong career path but it’s too late to rectify that mistake. So the only solution left is to tolerate what seems a utter waste of time and absolutely useless to one’s mighty self!!

For a long time now (maybe from the time I joined this ‘oh-so-loved-by-all’ MBA thingy) this has been my mantra in life –THIS TOO SHALL PASS i.e. somewhere deep inside a hope that this difficult situation will soon pass leading on to something better. Maybe this is what has got me going all these months when there where high chances of me dropping out of this course with the frequency with which this thought has crossed my mind in the last one year. So here I am hell bent on sticking on with it and torturing myself in return( yeah, a torture that it is to me!). Anyways then what was that one field which was meant for me..ah! that’s another long story. Will spill it out some other time. Till then adieu!
Here goes a little prayer so that I don’t flunk in the papers *sigh*.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Change

Change is constant. People change,situations change,environment changes.
Its a universal phenomena that that the old has to be discarded to give way to new beginnings. And if one doesn't change then it means he is not a part of the natural process.
So why not change?